In the aftermath of the horrific events in Conneticut, we have to ask ourselves what this means for those children left behind. Many were not exposed to the actual events that took place in their school, but there were those who were given a first-hand view of Hell. Both of these groups will be traumatized forever by these events, so what now? How does one begin to talk to children about the horrible events that occur in a place we call "ours"?
Death is an abstract idea for children. It is not something you can see or feel; therefore, it becomes difficult to explain in a way they can understand. Many parents will explain to their children that when someone dies they go to Heaven, perhaps explaining that they will become an angel, or look down on you from above. Other parents will explain that death is a place you go and all the pain stops. In death there are no gun shots, there is no cancer, their friends and teachers are safe now. Some parents may be at a loss. Where does one even begin to sort out the details? Death, as it occurred in Conneticut, is something even adults cannot comprehend.
The one thing that we as adults must remember is that children do not need a lot of details to feel like the answers were given. Obviously those children who are actually exposed first-hand to scary events will already have many of the details and these will need to be explained to them and broken down more directly. Simply saying, "A bad man came in and did some terrible things" is not going to be enough for the children affected. They already know that! What children don't know and need to know is that they are safe. Those feelings of security in their world have been shattered and will remain that way for a very long time.
Simply stated, children need concrete explanations. They need to see, hear, taste and touch real things. Show them where they can lay flowers and teddy bears to say goodbye. Let them be a part of the grieving. Tell them you don't understand what happened. Tell them sometimes there are no answers, but you love them and are going to do everything in your power to keep them safe. Give them comfort in the small things. If it is ice-cream, let them have some ice-cream while you talk to them. If they love apple juice, then let them drink some while you talk. Something as small as using the sense of taste to ease your child will help. Give your child lots of hugs and keep them close. They need someone nearby. If it means your child sleeps in your bed for a week or two, that's okay. It is not going to start bad habits or set a precedent, it is going to let your child feel the safety of having a loving adult close by. Above all else, ensure your child feels LOVE in these times of sadness and grief.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Separation Anxiety: How to Be Tough When Your Child Needs You
As far as I can tell, there are two types of children. Perhaps there is a continuum of balance, but children will typically fall into two camps. The first are those who will cling to you, screaming and crying and tearing at your heart threatening to leave you calling in sick to work. The second is the child who tells you to stay outside because they don't want you to walk them to class the first day of Kindergarten because it's embarrassing. I've had both.
My older child was a "mama's boy" of that there's no doubt, but he was never sad to see me go. He was of the variety that was quite willing to leave me crying on the front steps of the school while he did it all alone. I never let him get away with it though. Hmm, perhaps I should be speaking to adult separation anxiety! :)
My middle child, the 18 month old, seems to be more along the lines of the first example. He has only been in childcare for 4 1/2 months of his life, but it was a struggle nearly everyday. I was told by one of his caregivers that it will often take 3-4 weeks for a child to become accustomed to daycare. I looked at her as he sat on my lap and clung to me and said, "We're on week six." I then left him in her arms as he reached out to me and screamed. He was 9 1/2 months old when he started daycare and he was 12 months before he stopped crying every time I left. Still often, but at least not every time.
Separation can be a huge problem for children, especially if they have not had much time away from you before starting school. I am going to recommend as a caregiver, but more importantly, as a mother, that you start at about 6 months, getting a babysitter at least once a month to go out with your husband, or even get some time alone during the day. It is not only healthy for you, it is healthy for your child as well.
Remember that feeling anxious at the thought of Mom or Dad going away is completely normal, but here are some things that might help to ease the pain.
1. Have Practice Sessions
Set up some moments within the safety of your own home to practice leaving your child. Even going to another floor to do laundry can be traumatic for some children, as it was for my infant after he started daycare. He always thought I was leaving and never coming back, so I would start leaving him for short periods, 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, just to reassure him that I wasn't going away. As children get older, have a friend watch them or allow them to play at a drop-in daycare for half an hour to an hour.
2. Keep It Familiar
If you are noticing that your child is quite anxious about you leaving, then try to bring a sitter into your home if you can, or allowing your child to take something familiar to a new environment can ease the goodbye. If your child's school or child care facility does not allow objects from home, then be sneaky about it. Read a book, such as "The Kissing Hand" and draw a little heart on your child's palm. That will help to keep you close throughout the day.
3. Remember: Returning the "Cling" Doesn't Help
Tell your child that you are leaving, then go! It may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but it will be the goodbye that helps your child the most in the long-run. If you continue to go back for "one more hug" or cry at the door because your child is sad, that will only increase your child's anxiety, as they will think there is a problem with the environment and you don't want them to be there either. It will also prolong the problem. An anxious goodbye that may have lasted two weeks, is now being dragged into two months because your child is a smart cookie and has learned how to work the system.
4. Set Limits
Here is where the child guidance comes in! Your child has to know that this is where they need to be right now. Whether it be Grandma's house, daycare, or school, there is simply no other choice. When you drop your child off, ensure that they understand you will not be leaving them for longer than you have to, but you need to go to work and they need to stay with their caregiver. You can spin it so the child understands that this is their job and they are helping you so much by staying at their job and having a good day and working hard while you are gone.
That being said, it is now the middle of October. If you child is still suffering from anxiety when you leave them, and you feel that it is not getting better, then there may be more to this. Anxiety disorder is much more serious, but certainly not as common. Children who suffer from anxiety disorder are actually afraid to leave the safety of their parent's arms. They may feel as though something bad might happen while you are away, or they may not feel safe in their environment. This can be much more difficult to deal with, but parents can help.
If your child refuses to go to school, clings to you when you arrive, feels scared to go to sleep, or suffers from headaches and stomach aches, then please read the rest of this message.
Some common causes might be a new environment, be it school, daycare or house. Perhaps your child feels stressed by things taking place at home. It may be that your parenting style leads to over-reaction or over-protection of your child. This too can cause your little one to be excessively anxious about new situations.
Here are some ways to help:
1. Dialogue
The best way to help your child through anxiety, no matter the severity or situation, is to talk about it! Ensure an open dialogue with your child about how they are feeling and why they feel the way they do. Remember that there is nothing wrong with their feelings, and each feeling and fear is completely valid. Just reassure your child that you love them and will be there to help them through it.
2. Structure
Children thrive on structure and routine. Ensure that there are not often disruptions to your child's daily routine and it will help to allieviate the stress.
3. Check Yourself at the Door
Ensure that you are not stressed, and do not show your sadness to your child. Keep a brave face until you are sitting in your car. Your child will feel far more safe and secure if they know that you feel that way!
I hope this blog helps, but if you have any questions, or have anything to add about your own experiences, please feel free to leave a comment below.
My older child was a "mama's boy" of that there's no doubt, but he was never sad to see me go. He was of the variety that was quite willing to leave me crying on the front steps of the school while he did it all alone. I never let him get away with it though. Hmm, perhaps I should be speaking to adult separation anxiety! :)
My middle child, the 18 month old, seems to be more along the lines of the first example. He has only been in childcare for 4 1/2 months of his life, but it was a struggle nearly everyday. I was told by one of his caregivers that it will often take 3-4 weeks for a child to become accustomed to daycare. I looked at her as he sat on my lap and clung to me and said, "We're on week six." I then left him in her arms as he reached out to me and screamed. He was 9 1/2 months old when he started daycare and he was 12 months before he stopped crying every time I left. Still often, but at least not every time.
Separation can be a huge problem for children, especially if they have not had much time away from you before starting school. I am going to recommend as a caregiver, but more importantly, as a mother, that you start at about 6 months, getting a babysitter at least once a month to go out with your husband, or even get some time alone during the day. It is not only healthy for you, it is healthy for your child as well.
Remember that feeling anxious at the thought of Mom or Dad going away is completely normal, but here are some things that might help to ease the pain.
1. Have Practice Sessions
Set up some moments within the safety of your own home to practice leaving your child. Even going to another floor to do laundry can be traumatic for some children, as it was for my infant after he started daycare. He always thought I was leaving and never coming back, so I would start leaving him for short periods, 2 minutes, then 5 minutes, just to reassure him that I wasn't going away. As children get older, have a friend watch them or allow them to play at a drop-in daycare for half an hour to an hour.
2. Keep It Familiar
If you are noticing that your child is quite anxious about you leaving, then try to bring a sitter into your home if you can, or allowing your child to take something familiar to a new environment can ease the goodbye. If your child's school or child care facility does not allow objects from home, then be sneaky about it. Read a book, such as "The Kissing Hand" and draw a little heart on your child's palm. That will help to keep you close throughout the day.
3. Remember: Returning the "Cling" Doesn't Help
Tell your child that you are leaving, then go! It may not be the easiest thing for you to do, but it will be the goodbye that helps your child the most in the long-run. If you continue to go back for "one more hug" or cry at the door because your child is sad, that will only increase your child's anxiety, as they will think there is a problem with the environment and you don't want them to be there either. It will also prolong the problem. An anxious goodbye that may have lasted two weeks, is now being dragged into two months because your child is a smart cookie and has learned how to work the system.
4. Set Limits
Here is where the child guidance comes in! Your child has to know that this is where they need to be right now. Whether it be Grandma's house, daycare, or school, there is simply no other choice. When you drop your child off, ensure that they understand you will not be leaving them for longer than you have to, but you need to go to work and they need to stay with their caregiver. You can spin it so the child understands that this is their job and they are helping you so much by staying at their job and having a good day and working hard while you are gone.
That being said, it is now the middle of October. If you child is still suffering from anxiety when you leave them, and you feel that it is not getting better, then there may be more to this. Anxiety disorder is much more serious, but certainly not as common. Children who suffer from anxiety disorder are actually afraid to leave the safety of their parent's arms. They may feel as though something bad might happen while you are away, or they may not feel safe in their environment. This can be much more difficult to deal with, but parents can help.
If your child refuses to go to school, clings to you when you arrive, feels scared to go to sleep, or suffers from headaches and stomach aches, then please read the rest of this message.
Some common causes might be a new environment, be it school, daycare or house. Perhaps your child feels stressed by things taking place at home. It may be that your parenting style leads to over-reaction or over-protection of your child. This too can cause your little one to be excessively anxious about new situations.
Here are some ways to help:
1. Dialogue
The best way to help your child through anxiety, no matter the severity or situation, is to talk about it! Ensure an open dialogue with your child about how they are feeling and why they feel the way they do. Remember that there is nothing wrong with their feelings, and each feeling and fear is completely valid. Just reassure your child that you love them and will be there to help them through it.
2. Structure
Children thrive on structure and routine. Ensure that there are not often disruptions to your child's daily routine and it will help to allieviate the stress.
3. Check Yourself at the Door
Ensure that you are not stressed, and do not show your sadness to your child. Keep a brave face until you are sitting in your car. Your child will feel far more safe and secure if they know that you feel that way!
I hope this blog helps, but if you have any questions, or have anything to add about your own experiences, please feel free to leave a comment below.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
I've Tried It All. Nothing Works!
There are sure to be some people who read a blog like this and think, "Are you crazy? You don't know my kid at all! I've tried the techniques, I've read the books... nothing works!" You give choices but your child insists on the third option and tantrums without it. You try to help your children problem solve but three seconds later they're screaming and throwing toys at each other. You try to ignore the behavior but time after time it ends in your child punching your leg and biting little brother for attention. What's so wrong with spanking anyway? You'll do it respectfully, after all, you know there is a right way and a wrong way to hit children. What's so wrong with yelling and sending everyone to their rooms? It's the only way they will listen!
Listen to this. Don't give up. Children will go through stages in their development where they will be far more determined. At this point, it may not be about trying everything; it could mean just trying a couple of things and using them consistently. This way they will learn what will happen and the hope is that eventually they will stop the behavior, or learn the new one. There are some children who seem to go through the stage that never ends. The whining started when she was three, now she's eight and it's still a common occurrence.
This is what your children are learning when you choose not to spank or yell:
RESPECT
Your child learns respect for you, respect for himself, and understands that you respect her everytime you talk with her rather than at her!
TRUST
Your child learns to trust you as a listener everytime you talk to him about his behavior rather than spanking him because of it!
INDEPENDENCE
Your child learns how to handle situations on her own and develops a real sense of autonomy everytime you allow her to change, choose, or deal with a situation rather than making these decisions for her!
I know how it is, I'm a Mom and I know that life isn't easy all the time and when you are raising children there are certain challenges that will push you over the edge. When you feel ready to fall off the cliff, just stop for a second and think about how positive guidance can impact your child's future. Then go into your room and scream into your pillow. That always helps too :)
Listen to this. Don't give up. Children will go through stages in their development where they will be far more determined. At this point, it may not be about trying everything; it could mean just trying a couple of things and using them consistently. This way they will learn what will happen and the hope is that eventually they will stop the behavior, or learn the new one. There are some children who seem to go through the stage that never ends. The whining started when she was three, now she's eight and it's still a common occurrence.
This is what your children are learning when you choose not to spank or yell:
RESPECT
Your child learns respect for you, respect for himself, and understands that you respect her everytime you talk with her rather than at her!
TRUST
Your child learns to trust you as a listener everytime you talk to him about his behavior rather than spanking him because of it!
INDEPENDENCE
Your child learns how to handle situations on her own and develops a real sense of autonomy everytime you allow her to change, choose, or deal with a situation rather than making these decisions for her!
I know how it is, I'm a Mom and I know that life isn't easy all the time and when you are raising children there are certain challenges that will push you over the edge. When you feel ready to fall off the cliff, just stop for a second and think about how positive guidance can impact your child's future. Then go into your room and scream into your pillow. That always helps too :)
Monday, September 3, 2012
When Parenting Becomes Overwhelming
I have been struggling to post these days, as I have been feeling extremely sleep deprived. My three month old has recently decided he is hungry every 1-3 hours during the night. It makes for plenty of trips into the nursery... literally, as I stumble with my eyes half-open over piles of dirty laundry.
How does one keep their cool when they are tired, stressed, or just generally run-down?
There are just two things you need to remember when that thermostat in your head starts to rise:
1) You are the adult!
2) This child trusts you!
There are several strategies that we can learn about and use when we try to keep children calm, or when we want them to do something. What about strategies for ME? Here are some things I do when full-time parenting seems overwhelming.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
You know those piles of laundry I trip over in the night? They haven't been there forever, and they won't be there forever. Right now, it is just not a priority. I would prefer to go for a walk in the afternoon, just to get out of the house. My children are fed, they are happy, and my laundry can wait.
One day Jonah needed extra snuggles during the day. I was nursing him while Micah played. In his ventures, he came across a Kleenex box that I had failed to put out of his reach. He spent a good 20 minutes taking tissues, one at a time from the box to the kitchen. Yes, these cost money, yes I needed to clean up when he was done, but for that moment. For those precious 20 minutes, rather than chasing him from one activity to another while trying to feed a baby, I just watched him play and relaxed knowing he was safe and happy, and I didn't need to move.
Take A Break
Well meaning people have told me to "nap when the baby naps". Have these people ever had children?? My toddler never slept longer than 40 minutes at a time until he was four months old. In fact, he often didn't sleep more than 40 minutes during daylight hours at all. Now with two children and that much more laundry, more tears, more feeding, really more everything, who has time to nap? That being said, I always try to find time for breaks. Just sitting and reading a book to the boys can be relaxing. The other day, I took them both outside to the front walk, Micah with a bucket of side-walk chalk and Jonah in his bouncy chair. I love getting in and playing with Micah, but this day, I just sat on the stairs and watched. I had a bottle of water, bare feet, and sunshine. It was a favorite relaxation moment of the summer.
Play
When things get overwhelming during the day and I haven't slept and the boys won't nap, one thing that I do is put the blinders on to my dirty dishes, piles of laundry and the defrosting chicken that never will be cooked that night. Instead I sit down with my son, and I play. We read books, tickle belly buttons and most importantly, go outside to dig in the dirt. Nothing occupies my son more than being outside with the rocks and dirt. I love to get right in there with him and get dirty. If not relaxing in the physical sense, it is at least a great way to compose myself.
Get Involved
I make a point of being with other mom's at least once a week. I have a few options. There is a play group in my small town where mom's just get together and have coffee once a week while the children play. In the city nearby I try to get out to the "Breastfeeding Support Group". This consists of a group of mom's who all breastfeed and are offered support by local health nurses, but more than that, we are all at home with our children everyday. It is a great outlet. This group of mom's even tries to get out for a "girl's night out" about once a month. This is just a secondary benefit to getting involved.
Remember
These are three ideas that work for me, and I hope that you will find them helpful as well. Just remember this: It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help. And if you find that you are having more rough days than good ones, perhaps there's more than just lack of sleep or a busy schedule affecting you. Do not shy away from talking to your doctor about your state of mind.
Please share some tips and tools you have learned!
How does one keep their cool when they are tired, stressed, or just generally run-down?
There are just two things you need to remember when that thermostat in your head starts to rise:
1) You are the adult!
2) This child trusts you!
There are several strategies that we can learn about and use when we try to keep children calm, or when we want them to do something. What about strategies for ME? Here are some things I do when full-time parenting seems overwhelming.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
You know those piles of laundry I trip over in the night? They haven't been there forever, and they won't be there forever. Right now, it is just not a priority. I would prefer to go for a walk in the afternoon, just to get out of the house. My children are fed, they are happy, and my laundry can wait.
One day Jonah needed extra snuggles during the day. I was nursing him while Micah played. In his ventures, he came across a Kleenex box that I had failed to put out of his reach. He spent a good 20 minutes taking tissues, one at a time from the box to the kitchen. Yes, these cost money, yes I needed to clean up when he was done, but for that moment. For those precious 20 minutes, rather than chasing him from one activity to another while trying to feed a baby, I just watched him play and relaxed knowing he was safe and happy, and I didn't need to move.
Take A Break
Well meaning people have told me to "nap when the baby naps". Have these people ever had children?? My toddler never slept longer than 40 minutes at a time until he was four months old. In fact, he often didn't sleep more than 40 minutes during daylight hours at all. Now with two children and that much more laundry, more tears, more feeding, really more everything, who has time to nap? That being said, I always try to find time for breaks. Just sitting and reading a book to the boys can be relaxing. The other day, I took them both outside to the front walk, Micah with a bucket of side-walk chalk and Jonah in his bouncy chair. I love getting in and playing with Micah, but this day, I just sat on the stairs and watched. I had a bottle of water, bare feet, and sunshine. It was a favorite relaxation moment of the summer.
Play
When things get overwhelming during the day and I haven't slept and the boys won't nap, one thing that I do is put the blinders on to my dirty dishes, piles of laundry and the defrosting chicken that never will be cooked that night. Instead I sit down with my son, and I play. We read books, tickle belly buttons and most importantly, go outside to dig in the dirt. Nothing occupies my son more than being outside with the rocks and dirt. I love to get right in there with him and get dirty. If not relaxing in the physical sense, it is at least a great way to compose myself.
Get Involved
I make a point of being with other mom's at least once a week. I have a few options. There is a play group in my small town where mom's just get together and have coffee once a week while the children play. In the city nearby I try to get out to the "Breastfeeding Support Group". This consists of a group of mom's who all breastfeed and are offered support by local health nurses, but more than that, we are all at home with our children everyday. It is a great outlet. This group of mom's even tries to get out for a "girl's night out" about once a month. This is just a secondary benefit to getting involved.
Remember
These are three ideas that work for me, and I hope that you will find them helpful as well. Just remember this: It is never a sign of weakness to ask for help. And if you find that you are having more rough days than good ones, perhaps there's more than just lack of sleep or a busy schedule affecting you. Do not shy away from talking to your doctor about your state of mind.
Please share some tips and tools you have learned!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Infant Discipline
Have you ever been sitting in church only to hear the grunts and groans of the baby in your lap until you finally hear a diaper filled like a ten gun salute in the midst of a sleeping town? Have you ever been enclosed in a dressing room at the mall while a baby screams like he hasn't been fed in three days because you had to wait ten minutes for the "stroller room"? Have you ever needed to don a nursing cover in the middle of a restaurant? Then you must have been the parent of an infant.
Let's face it, anyone who has worked with infants knows that it is more difficult than it looks. There are times when you need the baby to be quiet and (please, please) cooperate. Usually these times happen at the most stressful moments for the caregiver. The question is, "How on earth do you get a baby to do what you want?"
The answer is, "You can't", at least not in ways like you could with a toddler or preschooler (which are also each different). Infants are a unique species in the human world. They look like people, they generally act like people, yet they cannot function like people. Infants do not have the cognitive ability to gage emotions of others or consider cause-and-effect and consequences. They rely entirely on those around them for food, shelter, even body heat, as their little bodies cannot properly regulate hot and cold. Infants have ways of telling adults what they need, be it through crying, smiling, or body language, like sucking on a fist. During the first six months of life, a baby will simply tell us what they want, and all we can do is respond. It isn't until about six months of age that an infant will begin to understand cause-and-effect. At that point, we can begin to slowly and simply teach behaviors and routines.
The reality is, everyone has a breaking point with children, spouses, bosses, whatever the case may be. When pushed hard enough, you will either push back or run for the hills (fight or flight). Stress is a major factor when you are a sleep deprived and emotionally enriched, as most new moms are. The key to disciplining an infant, is to discipline yourself! Keep tabs on your emotions, as it is sometimes easy to let them run away on you. Check yourself often, for fatigue, frustration, and overall satisfaction. If you find that you are tired and you cannot sleep, take a break in other ways. My toddler did not nap until he was 7 months old. Before that it was 10 minute cat naps a couple of times a day. Hardly worth closing my eyes for. I was exhausted! The key was to turn a blind eye to the raw meat on the counter waiting to be cooked for supper and the baby clothes that seemed to always find a home in my living room. Instead, I would sit with my son in the rocking chair and just look at him and hold him, reminding myself how much I had looked forward to his arrival, and knowing that this phase would one day pass. I found peace in the very being that caused me stress. If you find that you are frustrated and have no one you can call for help, check yourself and make a conscious choice for "flight". There were times when I needed to just put my son in a safe place like his crib, or bouncy chair and just walk away for a breath. One of the best ways to calm us both down was to put him in the stroller and walk around the block, sometimes several times. Some moms will even put their child in the car and drive aimlessly for hours because that is the only way their baby will sleep. This is not crazy! It's the only way to keep sane, and that is okay!
I was lucky enough this time around to have my husband to lean on and talk to about my frustrations and struggles. Such was not the case with my first boy. As a single mom I really had to bear the load alone, and that can be difficult. The best thing you can do is find someone, anyone who will listen and not judge. Use them! This is about disciplining yourself to reach out for the sake of your child.
Infants are not disciplined in the sense that you would think about discipline. The best way to ensure an infant gives you the quiet and cooperation you need is to give them everything they need! Even so, babies come with no guarantees... no return policies either. Remember though, from the mother of both an infant and a teenager, each stage of life will pass (whether you want them to or not). My best advice: Look after yourself. That baby needs you!
Let's face it, anyone who has worked with infants knows that it is more difficult than it looks. There are times when you need the baby to be quiet and (please, please) cooperate. Usually these times happen at the most stressful moments for the caregiver. The question is, "How on earth do you get a baby to do what you want?"
The answer is, "You can't", at least not in ways like you could with a toddler or preschooler (which are also each different). Infants are a unique species in the human world. They look like people, they generally act like people, yet they cannot function like people. Infants do not have the cognitive ability to gage emotions of others or consider cause-and-effect and consequences. They rely entirely on those around them for food, shelter, even body heat, as their little bodies cannot properly regulate hot and cold. Infants have ways of telling adults what they need, be it through crying, smiling, or body language, like sucking on a fist. During the first six months of life, a baby will simply tell us what they want, and all we can do is respond. It isn't until about six months of age that an infant will begin to understand cause-and-effect. At that point, we can begin to slowly and simply teach behaviors and routines.
The reality is, everyone has a breaking point with children, spouses, bosses, whatever the case may be. When pushed hard enough, you will either push back or run for the hills (fight or flight). Stress is a major factor when you are a sleep deprived and emotionally enriched, as most new moms are. The key to disciplining an infant, is to discipline yourself! Keep tabs on your emotions, as it is sometimes easy to let them run away on you. Check yourself often, for fatigue, frustration, and overall satisfaction. If you find that you are tired and you cannot sleep, take a break in other ways. My toddler did not nap until he was 7 months old. Before that it was 10 minute cat naps a couple of times a day. Hardly worth closing my eyes for. I was exhausted! The key was to turn a blind eye to the raw meat on the counter waiting to be cooked for supper and the baby clothes that seemed to always find a home in my living room. Instead, I would sit with my son in the rocking chair and just look at him and hold him, reminding myself how much I had looked forward to his arrival, and knowing that this phase would one day pass. I found peace in the very being that caused me stress. If you find that you are frustrated and have no one you can call for help, check yourself and make a conscious choice for "flight". There were times when I needed to just put my son in a safe place like his crib, or bouncy chair and just walk away for a breath. One of the best ways to calm us both down was to put him in the stroller and walk around the block, sometimes several times. Some moms will even put their child in the car and drive aimlessly for hours because that is the only way their baby will sleep. This is not crazy! It's the only way to keep sane, and that is okay!
I was lucky enough this time around to have my husband to lean on and talk to about my frustrations and struggles. Such was not the case with my first boy. As a single mom I really had to bear the load alone, and that can be difficult. The best thing you can do is find someone, anyone who will listen and not judge. Use them! This is about disciplining yourself to reach out for the sake of your child.
Infants are not disciplined in the sense that you would think about discipline. The best way to ensure an infant gives you the quiet and cooperation you need is to give them everything they need! Even so, babies come with no guarantees... no return policies either. Remember though, from the mother of both an infant and a teenager, each stage of life will pass (whether you want them to or not). My best advice: Look after yourself. That baby needs you!
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