Tarnished Halos

Who doesn't love the contagious giggle of a toddler when you tip him upside-down and tickle his tummy? How can you not fall head-over-heels in love with a little boy who crawls up on your chest just so he can put his head down and snuggle in for a hug? Whose heart doesn't melt when you go to get a little boy out of his crib and he puts his arms out and says, "mama" or "daddy"? The real question is, what do you do with that same little angel when he winds up and smacks you, then laughs, or continues to throw his food around the kitchen no matter how many times you ask him to stop? What do you do when you've done everything to teach a new behavior, but it just isn't enough?

Here are a couple of websites that offer some ideas and strategies for dealing with challenging behavior.

Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies
Guiding Young Children: 21 Strategies


Here's the issue with webites: They sound good in theory, but what really happens when you try out their suggestions? When you're dealing with children, often the opposite of what you might hope.

Today my little angel was snuggled up nice and cute, giving his baby brother a hug. He got up and touched Jonah's cheek ever so gently. Believing in positive reinforcement, I immediately told Micah what a great job he had done, using such gentle touches. In response to my encouraging words, the little angel lifted his arm, took off his halo, and smacked his baby brother on the head.
Now, I am mother to both children. I love them both equally, but no matter who is hurting one of my babies, Mama Bear comes out! Had I been in class at this point I may have posed a question to my students:
In this situation do you

a) put the child in a corner
b) slap the child's hand
c) ignore the behavior (he's just a toddler and one day his brother will learn to hit back)
d) take the child's hand and show him a gentle touch

Seems obvious, right? Sure, when you're in a classroom and your emotions aren't in play! I personally, grabbed Micah, sat him against the wall, and (finger wagging and all) demanded that he not hit! Suddenly reality set in and I remembered that I don't believe in "time-out", so when I went to deal with the crying baby and Micah followed me, I just let it go. With a toddler, what happens in the moment, stays in the moment. There is no point in dwelling on it or continuing to try and get your message across. I said my piece and if it happened again I knew that I would go with (d) this time. Afterall, I am the adult; if I don't control my emotions, who will?