How Much Time Between Children

When couples decide to start a family, many have already discussed how many children they would like to have as well as how far apart seems ideal to have them. One website states that it makes sense financially to space children 3-4 years apart. This would mean you do not have both children in childcare at the same time, and there would be some time to prepare for the younger to enter university. Another article states that at least the older sibling will be smarter if children are spaced at two year intervals. The article goes on to suggest that if children are much closer than that, parents are too busy to give appropriate time for enrichment.

I have three children. The first two are spaced 16 years and 3 weeks apart. The second two are 14 months and 10 days apart. Certainly two extremes and worth commenting on. When I was pregnant with my second son, I was told more often than not, that I am "crazy for starting over again" when I'm so close to being done. When I got pregnant with my third I had just as many comments about being "crazy for having them so close together". Am I really as crazy as they say? Am I doing my children a disservice by spacing them as I have?

Having a brother 16 years younger means that my first was essentially an only child for most of his life. He was disappointed that it took so long to have a sibling, but certainly not disappointed to finally have one. Joshua, my 17 year old, and Micah, my 16 month old are extremely close. Josh plays with Micah regularly and Micah thinks the world revolves around his big brother. Certainly there are economic benefits to this difference, as one is about to graduate in a year and the other will not need tuition for another 16 years. Having a baby has heightened the element of responsibility for my teenager, as he recognizeds this litter person looks up to him. For Micah and Jonah both, he will always have someone older to turn to who has their best interests at heart, yet isn't one of those annoying "parent types".

Obviously there are downsides to having such a substantial age difference. They will never be as close as siblings who are raised at the same time, with the same experiences. They will not go to school together or have the same friends. However, they are brothers, and there is always something to be said for that!

When my second was 6 months old, I found out I was pregnant with Jonah. These two boys are very close in age. I anticipate they will play together, fight together, grow together and love each other. They will have the same family vacations, the same schools, possibly the same friends. They will share the same memories when they are older about their childhood.

Let's look at the reality of having two very young children. Certainly it is not easy financially to have two babies in the house. They both need diapers, I have two cribs, and if they both go to daycare, it will cost a small fortune. My time is spent nursing the younger while trying to entertain the older with one arm. Micah doesn't get the stories, outdoor experiences and general one-on-one time that he did just a few short months ago. That being said, things will get easier, and in the meantime, they are both learning so much! Micah is learning to share; right now it is his Mommy time rather than his toys. More importantly, he is learning a most important lifeskill, empathy. Already he is running to give the baby a soother when he cries, or trying to rock the carseat in the back of the car while soothing "shh, shh". Jonah is learning the power of relationship, as everytime Micah leans in with a hug, he is rewarded with the biggest grin.

All in all, I don't think it's a matter of how much time you put between your children, but more a matter of how much time you put into your children.